Dating: how to confess that you have hyperhidrosis?

Posted In: Hyperhidrosis Forum

      • Participant
        Mary-Jane Thompson on #1648

        I'm seeing someone. It's been several casual dates so far, but things are slowly progressing and I know I won't be able to hide my condition forever. I need advice on how to deliver the news – how to confess that I have hyperhidrosis.

        So far it's been easy to hide it because I have axillary hyperhidrosis – so, it's not very visible. My hands and feet are okay. Also, I am currently keeping it partly in check with iontophoresis and strong antiperspirants (or rather, strong-scented deodorants), so sweating is not at its worst.

        Still, I know that if I want any kind of future with this man, I should let him know about my excessive sweating problem. The idea of telling him is making me sick with worry. What if he is repulsed? What if I ruin everything by telling him?

        The last time when I was in a relationship, it was easier, because we knew each other for a long time, so my ex knew about my hyperhidrosis before we started dating. Now, the situation is completely different and I don't know what to do. Help! 😯

      • Participant
        Leons on #1654

        Just relax. Don't think about it too much. Let things go naturally, go on dates, talk, spend more time together… Then, when the moment's right, when the situation just comes up in which it's convenient to spontaneously mention hyperhidrosis – you could mention it then.

        You can see if the conversation steers somehow toward medical issues, or devices, or something, and mention iontophoresis, since you're using it. And you can mention then that you have an iontophoresis machine or something… If you pull it off, it can come across as an offhanded comment, like:
        “Yeah, tech is so advanced, I have a device that really helped me deal with hyperhidrosis…”

        Put it like that, and it's gonna seem like a problem you used to have, but is now under control and not much of an issue… (And from I read in your post, with iontophoresis it really isn't much of an issue at the moment?)

        Or maybe you should wait a bit longer? On how many dates have you exactly been? Maybe it's too early to share that, especially if your specific case of hyperhidrosis is not too obvious.

      • Participant
        Vivian Morden on #1662

        I disagree with Leons that you should wait longer. Gosh, I actually think quite the opposite!

        Do you really want to be with a guy who would be repelled by the fact you sweat too much? Really? I'm sorry if I sound harsh, Mary-Jane, but I want this to be a wake up call. You don't want to end up with a guy who'd EVER be bothered by your excessive sweating. Get it out in the open. If he's the right man for you, he won't care about sweating. If he reacts badly or stops dating you after that – he was the wrong man for you to begin with.

        In case he's Mr. Wrong, wouldn't you rather find that out now, than wait until you develop some really strong feelings for him? It will only be more difficult then.

        I always flaunt the fact that I have hyperhidrosis on first dates. It's just easier that way, to see their reactions before I actually get attached. And yes, this ended badly on more than one occasion. You just grow thicker skin. It's the way of the world. πŸ˜‰

      • Participant
        Ramona on #1676

        Man, people can be so insensitive! πŸ˜•

        Can't you see the woman is terrified? And you're just advising her to shrug it off and boldly spill everything out!? 😐

        Mary-Jane, I think you should wait until you feel comfortable to talk about hyperhidrosis with him. Let's be realistic. We all know how important first impressions are… 😐 There is a chance that he will be more inclined to react well to your hyperhidrosis confession if you tell it later. He will know you by then, and he will be able to ignore any prejudice he might have toward people who sweat too much.

        There is one exception to my advice though. If this axillary hyperhidrosis *secret* is bothering you so much that you cannot really be yourself around this guy, then maybe you should tell him now.

      • Participant
        Leons on #1685

        It was definitely not my intention to be insensitive or harsh or anything of the sort.

        As Mary-Jane said that she is having success treating her hyperhidrosis with iontophoresis, and that we're talking about an axillary hyperhidrosis (which I myself have, so I know what it's like!), I gave the best advice I could. Maybe it wasn't sugarcoated, but I was trying to be practical here.

        I also believe that if Mary-Jane is feeling so sick with worry, that maybe it should be better that she speaks out – besides, Ramona, that's exactly what you say too, at the end of your post!

      • Guest
        john wales on #1887

        you just have to be confident about it and tell her. I suggest trying out the selfhelp book at and gain some confidence if you lack it.

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