I hate hyperhidrosis. There, I said it. Maybe it's because I'm still young enough, and new at this, and got the condition late (at 18), and still getting used to living like this. Maybe it's because of how it affects my life in worst possible ways. Maybe it's because of how other people look at me when I sweat… Many maybes, but one certainty remains: I have hyperhidrosis, and it's probably here to stay.
Sometimes I think it would be easier if I grew up with it, had the chance to get used to it. Then again, no. I am thankful to have had at least those years free of hyperhidrosis. Now, these last couple of years, my life was turned upside down – especially my social life. Everything and everyone is making me nervous. (And that doesn't help my sweating!)
I'm nervous the most in the summer, because I sweat the most in the summer, and the feet sweat is really difficult to deal with then, difficult to hide. And people make me nervous these days. I keep wondering if they're secretly judging me. Did they notice my sweat? Are they thinking that I have a bad hygiene? Will they talk about me behind my back? Will they mock me? Or pity me?
These are just some of the questions that often pull me into the hell of social anxiety. The worst part about being anxious is that never-ending stream of worrying thoughts that goes through my head. These days, I am only content when I'm alone… (But then I get lonely.)
Maybe I wouldn't feel this way if the world wasn't so full of rude people. Their superficial remarks hurt. The discovery that many of my (ex) friends found hyperhidrosis disgusting also hurt. Simply put, hyperhidrosis ruined my social life. I am now scared to meet new people, because I already anticipate the problems that will arise once they notice my sweating. And, since I have palmar and plantar hyperhidrosis (hands and feet), my condition is very noticeable.
And yes, before you accuse me of just moping around, I am also taking some efforts to battle this condition. I would really like to try out iontophoresis, but first I need to stop biting my nails. I don't want to rent a machine only to find out that the tips of my fingers hurt too much to use it. Acupuncture looks interesting too, but it scares me a little.
Currently, my method of choice is Robinul. It is not perfect. I have side effects; headaches, mostly. I also use antiperspirants; currently I am using Drysol solution on my hands, and it helps sometimes, if I'm calm and cool. I use Odaban spray on my feet, because spray is much easier to apply to that area.
Sadly, there is no hyperhidrosis treatment that is going to take my doubts and anxieties away. Hyperhidrosis took my confidence, and that's what hurts the most.