I am nineteen years old and today I found out what hyperhidrosis is…and I cried. I didn't know that I'm not alone.

Most of my shirts are black or navy blue. I can't even remember the last time I wore a white shirt. As a child my mother would scold me for being ungrateful after wanting to return or get rid of clothes I would get for birthdays and Christmas. I knew I wouldn't be able to wear the blouses or anything that wasn't dark and made of thin materials.

For a long time I didn't know it was abnormal. I thought everyone had a similar experience but knew how to handle it better. It wasn't until I really looked and saw the thin shirts girls would wear in all these lovely colors without a trace of sweat under their arms. Meanwhile I was capable of sweating not only through a thick shirt but my sweater as well.

When I realized that what I go through isn't normal thought I'd never get a boyfriend. To my surprise, in high school I did. I dated him for over a year and I never told him. I did a good job at hugging him with my arms down and drying my armpits in the school bathrooms with thin toilet paper. I was too embarrassed to tell him. One Christmas he gave me this really nice grey, skin tight, nike sweater and I cried because I knew I couldn't wear it. I made sure to only wear it if we were doing obvious exercise to make the sweating seem normal.

I've always really struggled with deodorant because I smell and I smell bad! Ive had my many attempts at finding the right one to use. Dove doesn't work for me. Secret doesn't work. Certain gel forms have caused rashes in my underarms. I liked Mitchum but I did a lot of reapplying with that one. The antiperspirants I've used don't help with the oder. Most recently I've switched to Old Spice. Yes, it is a men's deodorant. I find that it's much stronger than women's and I think it helps reduce the sweat a little bit. Although, I really do not like the smell. It is too strong for me! If you have had success with other brands please comment them as I am prepared to try them.